have i ever been so hurt by someone i don't love. My anger is ridiculous everyone knows, i don't want them to see but its so tangible the anger in my heart.if you really felt that way you could have told me i thought we were close enough,but no instead i have to endure these calls from your bitches.Why?do you realize what you've done!you've filled my head up, i Julianna Joy got gassed because in the end thats what it really is.Did you really love me like you said because it did seem that way.Your acting is wonderful i really thought you loved me and that you would always be their forevermore i thought we were gunna grow old together as lovers or friends i was cool with either way,but now I'm not so sure,how could you just brake me down like that i must really love you then,because i know im stronger than this I AM but damn that just blew my mind i didn't think or even imagine anything like that happening.I wanted to cry, then i just felt angry& mad at the world for what they've done to me mad at God i will admit,for allowing this man in my life just to pull him away in the most horrible manner.Or maybe i did it to myself but man o man i really believed in you in myself, and i got hurt.You had the nerve to call me bitter,yes i remember perfectly well. And you go ahead& do what you did and wonder why.Its men like you who make me this way even though i try hard not to be it doesn't work you cant just forget something someone did to you.And you just cant forget someone no matter how hard you try their always their in the back of your head.I'm mad at you very mad but i just cant forget you,your haunting me and i bet your just fine.You just walked in and walked right out of my life and i dont like it.I was always the "nigga bitch" if anything i should've broke your heart.Your my almost lover.And because of you i will be bitter but what can i do I've been scarred with lashes of love & it hurts, i want to love but i cant.I don't think i can be happy now.But i shouldn't let you take that the only thing i have away my happiness ill be damned.But its already happening and i know not what to do.You made that morning so horrible i wish you know how i felt.I almost dropped a tear for you. I'm stronger than that i dare not cry for you,you didn't for me.i really didn't think you were just like the rest of them just getting that pussy,you convinced me you were better but your not.You just care about you, i should've noticed that awhile ago,you basically told me but my eyes were covered by your beautiful smile,your wonderful lips and your perfect eyebrows i was lost in your spell&you knew it.I thought i had you,i mean you were always their but i guess not, you had me wrapped around your cute little finger.How could i have been so stupid ughh it kills me to now just notice how stupid i was ugh.But like they all say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,but its hard to confuse stronger with bitter.I don't think i can trust,you've cause so many things to transpire in my head.I finally see why you picked me i was like your fucking doll except i had attitude.you tried to apologize but i will not let you back so you can continue your dirty little works. You will get what you deserve and i hope that when that happiness you'll think of me because I'm always their.That bitch you got telling you what to do is not better than me except maybe she sucks your dick like i didn't.But you'll get whtas comming to you, when it happens don't call me.

Im Done With Your Shit

Vanishing act

I tried so hard to be something
but that something wasnt me
i had wanted him to like me for me
but eventually i got in the way
now that the real me is shining through
not just a slither, full blast!
your departing i feel it.
your silence is your greatest weapon
that you have used far more than you shouldv'e
but baby im not the only one with problems
nonchalant selfish uncaring
i may be all of those but one thing i am not
is YOU which is the worst
your ignorance is so bliss
Gosh its like your stuck in your own little world
where every despicable and heinous thing you do is
simply rewarded
WHAT KINDA WORLD
well one day you'll get it
when your walking with your right hand man(music)
youll see her, and you will finally get it
I Hope

Lovers Dream

and i think about him all time, hes always on mind

he is mine

no matter what i do i think of what he could do

to make things in life so profound,amazing,eccentric,wonderful

hes the best thing that has happened to me so far and i hate when he is afar

i Love him like you wouldnt know i never want him to go

i feel if he is gone to long i will loose myself and be covered in self doubt

he makes me feel loved like the kind from up above

im my subconscious i think about where fate will lead us

how everything will turn out

marriage kids

people will never understand the love at hand

the way it works and twerks us

i Love him so much that sometimes i cry

thinking about him one day not being here makes me want to die

people say hes no good but i say

Fuck you

they ll never know, but i wish that they could

im lucky were in love

those threee silky smooth words fall from his mouth and i melt

knowing that their true

i hate saying goodbye to him after a nice hour talk

every long song i hear brings tears to my eyes because im thinking of him

hes dope

and i Love him for EVERY flaw and inequality that he has

his style and his way of not fitting in with the crowd

I Hate&Love

Most Definitely!!the things i hate outweigh the things i love. its a sad fact but totally and completely true unfortunately. Things shouldnt be that way but i guess its a matter of me learning to love everything, no one should have that much hate in their heart. I hate so much that i just want to kill and i have to stop myself from thinking those thoughts and usually end up breaking down in tears. I Love very few people in the world but the one person i could say hands down that i love is my best friend Gabriel hes amazing. I love few people in my family. Number one is my boyfriend after Gabriel of course but their both equally great. I think that i might be type bipolar because i tend to snap on people. But i still love them..But its not good to hate because all the hate you have is not doing you any good one day your going to do something because of all the hate,i know because that happened to me. You dont have to love everybody but you shouldnt hate them it does nothing for you but just be nice because you never know what could happen.

And i think

about how the rest of my life will turn out. How our relationship will end if it ever does at this rate its going down while another is rising up. Will my dreams come true. Personally i think Love is overrated it just a word and it means nothing when it is said. Only actions can make true what your mouth says's. Its funny because they lie everyone lies you may think its true, they may tell you everything to back it up but you will never know. the way you think may change your whole world. If only they didn't lie. If they didn't lie you wouldn't have to worry about where they are if their safe or God forbid cheating on you. Will you ever know when this life is over will you soon find out.(hopefully). all you can do now is sit back rearrange your thoughts and things will soon get better if you do your thinking has saved you if you dont you might do some very stupid things like end a real good relationship with someone you truly love all because you thought they were lying.